i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
