I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
