I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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