I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
