That's when you crack a 10am beer
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
