Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
