Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
