The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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