I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
where am i from again
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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