So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
