Your face is a jimmy john
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Randomize
