It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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