Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
