I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
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