found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
