Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
