put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
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