My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Randomize
