I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
two words...techno handjob
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
