Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
