If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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