we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
