Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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