And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
