You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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