what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
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