Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
