THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
