I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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