You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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