Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
