I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
