My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
