you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
