He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
