babies were throwing up all over the place
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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