So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
