things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.