so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
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i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
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Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!