Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
