ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.