apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
