I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
