Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
