So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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