Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Randomize
