oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
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My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
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Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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