i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
