Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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