You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
