If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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