Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
