My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
