People in love make me want to vomit
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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