idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize
