TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
