When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
