then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize