apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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