hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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