so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
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Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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