is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
