dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
