Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
