what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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