how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
