this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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