the new term for farting is butt boxing.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
high people should be assigned attendants
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
