I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
The Olympian is in my bed
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
