I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
