I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
