He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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