he wants to bone in the snuggie
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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