i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
