Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
