fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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