dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
