so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
